Recently I have found myself much more easily agitated than I would like. On a near daily basis I will get annoyed or upset by something that is usually inconsequential. It never gets to a moment where it boils over to anything close to rage or ire, just frustration. I don’t know why I allow myself to get upset by these mostly menial things. It used to be a problem when I was much younger, when I was an angry child, but eventually that anger just somewhat faded away.
When I was a child I would throw things, I would scream, I would lash out at the most meaningless harmless problems. Full honesty, I was a spoiled child. I usually got what I wanted, and when I didn’t I would act out. I don’t blame my parents for that at all. They wanted a good life for me, and they gave that to me, within reason. I don’t know that I ever felt like anything that I wanted was owed to me, but I think it would just upset me when I felt like I could have something and I didn’t. I would get upset very easily when something wasn’t going my way, but again it was never that I felt I deserved it, but rather that the inconvenience was so great it elicited a response from me.
The older I got, the calmer I got. I don’t know that I would call myself down to Earth or anything similar, but I usually don’t have very heightened emotions. I don’t get very happy, or very angry , or very anything, I often hold a quiet middle ground. I would still get upset by things, but it never became anything more than an annoyance. I’ve tried to be much more placid as of late, and I believe that I am for the most part, though I think that often comes across as complete apathy or indifference. And, don’t get me wrong, I am indifferent about a lot of things, but just because I am not emotional does not mean I am emotionless.
But, these last few months I’ve found myself irritated by very small things. Things that typically would not irritate me. Mild inconveniences and small annoyances out of my control have begun to anger me very quickly. I have become much more easily annoyed by people, which was very much the case when I was younger, but I thought I had outgrown that. I don’t like the idea that I have become more misanthropic, but I accept that it could be the case. I think I’m just becoming more of an asshole.
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Grub's Dirt 